Yesterday I had a very good day. I was texting with my husband on and off all day letting him know how things were going. When he got off of work, he texted me to let me know that he was taking me out to dinner. He was so proud of me that he wanted to treat me. So I asked my mom to babysit and we went to Red Lobster.

Usually when we go out to dinner, we will take turns being the designated driver. It isn’t that we like to get fall-down drunk, but a drink or two with dinner is a nice way to relax and enjoy an evening. And we like to be responsible, so only one of us gets to enjoy our evening each time. Last night, I asked for wine.

Rewind to three days ago, when I picked up my new medicine. The pharmacist asked me if I had any questions, and I did have a couple. Unfortunately, I forgot to ask about drinking while on Adderall, so I actually called the pharmacy after I got home. The pharmacist said a glass of wine in the evening would be okay. He did mention, however, that Adderall is a stimulant, and that alcohol is a depressant, and that you don’t really want to take them together. I guess it defeats the purpose both ways.

So I had a couple glasses, and we enjoyed our dinner. (Or at least I did.) Then we went home, put the baby to bed, I blogged while he played a video game, and then we went to bed. Nothing unusual or out of the ordinary. Then this morning, I took all my meds like I do every day and we got on with our day. And do you know what happened? I felt like any other day before I started my medicine.

And I remembered something.

Drinking always leaves me depressed the next day.

I’ve been taking antidepressants for a long time. And it took a long time for me to figure out that alcohol made me weepy the next day. I didn’t even have to get drunk or have a hangover. One or two drinks one evening, and the next morning I am sad, withdrawn, just flat out depressed.

And so it hit me: I can’t drink anymore.

If I want my medicine to work, I have to stop drinking. The idea of drinking to unwind is a nice idea, but if it makes me feel crappy the next day, it just isn’t worth it. And it’s not that I felt crappy today, or weepy, or extra sad in any way, it’s that my medicine only brought me back up to where I was last week. And where I was last week was not where I want to be. I want to be where I was yesterday. Yesterday I liked myself. I had confidence. I got things done. I played with my daughter and made my husband proud. I made ME proud. I did get some things done today, but not as much as I had planned on getting done yesterday. Of course, my husband was home, and we had some errands to run, but I really could have done more. I could have spent less time on my phone. And I was even forgetful today, more so than yesterday.

So here it is. I am finally feeling like an full-fledged adult. I am making good choices and following through. And I may have stopped drinking. (I wasn’t a lush, so it’s not huge.) Now it’s off to bed for me, so that I can sleep off today and get ready for a better tomorrow. Good night.


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