Getting into the groove

So my third day on Adderall went really well. I got a lot of things done and did them with the energy I used to have at work, back when I used to have energy at work.

There were some things, however, that stood out to me. I saw something that needed to be done, and instead of thinking I need to do that, or I’ll do that later, I just did it. And it took literally less that two minutes. That is so out of character for me. Then, later, when I took my daughter to her one-year checkup, I did not pull out my phone and look at Facebook once. We had a very long wait, and after the second poopy diaper, I did pull out my phone to check my notifications. I had a ton of emails, so I went through and deleted the unimportant ones, answered the one about a job, and by the end of the day, I had lined up a job interview! And when I did laundry, I folded and hung it and put it away instead of sticking them in a basket where they would inevitably sit for days.

Oh, and I walked the dogs. That means that I walked. Exercise.

Since I blogged a little early yesterday, I didn’t get to mention how I had forgotten to eat lunch and was shaking by dinner time. So today, even though I wasn’t hungry, I had a sandwich when my daughter ate.

I also want to clarify that when I talked about the medicine “bringing me down”, I meant that it calmed me down. Before medicating, my brain always felt like it was in a state of chaos. You remember that cloud of dust that always followed Pigpen around on the old Peanuts cartoons? The one where you can almost see fleas jumping off of him and can’t quite make out what’s underneath?

That is kind of how I pictured my brain. Constant movement, no clarity, no order, just a big, jumbled mess of random, indefinable stuff. But when I take the Adderall, the movement stops. Or at least becomes more purposeful. Today I made plans for ten days from now. My mom is going to have an appointment, and I made a mental plan for how I was going to schedule our day around it. Lunch at a certain time, so that we can get out of the door at a certain time. Normally, I would wait until that morning and think, I have to figure out what we’re going to do today, and how we’re going to work lunch and Mom’s appointment.

I feel like I am fixed. I feel like I am finally an adult. On one hand, I am considering the possibilities, the ramifications. On the other hand, I am scared that somehow the way I feel is temporary. I am worried that the newness will wear off and that I will revert to old habits. Either way, I really hope that I can lose about 30 pounds. (A girl can dream, right?)


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